


need a little help

by orphan_account



Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Gen, He is my fucking father okay, Hurt/Comfort, Nonbinary Self Insert, Not Shippy, PTSD, Panic Attack, Self Harm, Self-Insert, extremely self indulgent, platonic, platonic love confession
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-13 14:39:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18943009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: just a self-insert hurt/comfort coping fic move along folksnot shippy at all cus im like 17





	need a little help

I tighten my hold on the blankets surrounding me, hoping the pressure of my balled up fists will distract me from the noise in my head. I curl tighter into a ball on the floor, grimacing and fighting back the sob in my throat.

The world was too much. My head is like a symphony, emotions swirling without any words to describe the feeling. Just a need to hyperventilate and hide from everything. I can’t form words, I can’t move, I just need this. I need to lay down on the floor and pull the comforter over my head.

I press my nose to the cold, wood floor and feel my lip wobble and twitch, the sob finally escaping me. I cry without tears, my throat dry. I can’t tell how long I’ve been sitting there, encased in darkness. Has it been minutes or hours?

My skin aches to be punctured or torn or ripped apart. I want so badly to watch my blood drip onto the floor, to watch my fingers be dyed red with it and to feel it gushing down my body. I want to feel my bones crack and break and my lungs to collapse and the single moment of peace before drifting away forever.

The world was too much. I didn’t want it anymore, I didn’t want to be there anymore. I wanted to destroy my body. My vessel. I wanted to shred myself to pieces in an effort to finally be painless.

But I couldn’t. Instead, I hid under a blanket, pulled my hair out of my scalp, and picked at my skin until I could smell the copper thick in the small amount of air under the blanket.

I feel the vibration of footsteps before I heard them, someone going down the hallway of the apartment building. I barely give it any thought and just dig my nails into my skin harder and felt it sting. Feel the blood press under my nails and stay there. I whine almost silently and impulsively sink my teeth into my hand, right on the meat of my thumb. I feel the muscles shift and give way and the sudden burn as my canines dug in.

I suddenly hear the front door open and close. “Hello?”

I begin breathing faster, letting go of my hand. I press my sore hand over my mouth and felt tears well in my eyes this time. Fuck. He was home early, way too early, he wasn’t supposed to be home for hours.

Gentle footsteps approach me, and a hand falls onto my back. “Are you okay?” Matt asked softly. It takes all my willpower to say something, to let him know, and I shake my head under the blanket.

“No.” I whisper quietly but I know he heard me. He moves his hand up and down my back, the blanket muffling the feeling.

He doesn’t warn me when he took the blanket away, throwing it across the room. I make a noise like a whimper mixed with a whine and press my hands to my face, hiding myself as I curl tighter into a ball. He can sense the blood trailing down my arms and legs better now and I can practically hear his concern even if he doesn’t make a noise.

“Hey,” He murmurs, gently grabbing at my wrists and pulling them away from my face. “Hey.”

I grimace, my face twisting up. He gently guides me into a sitting position and pulls me into a hug. I press my face into his suit jacket and feel his arm tighten around me like a far better version of a security blanket.

“You’re hyperventilating,” He tells me, his voice soft and calm. “I need you to breathe with me, okay?” I squeeze him tighter in response, it’s all the words I can manage.

He inhales deeply and I try to follow, my breaths coming out shaky and half formed. He exhales, and I do it too. I mimic his breathing until I can breathe normally and feel the lightheadedness I hadn’t noticed fade away.

“That’s it. Good.” He rubs my back and I make an appreciative noise. “You’re okay, kid. You’re doing great.”

I nod into his chest and move my face up, resting my cheek onto his collarbone. My grip on him loosens and I sigh, my breathing normal and my head quiet. He continues to rub my back and mutter quiet praises as I come back into myself.

Matt presses a kiss onto the top of my head and I huff out a small giggle. He hums at this and lets me gently pull away until I can look at his face. “You feel better?” He asks me, cupping my face with his hands and wiping away the moistness on my cheeks.

“Yeah,” I whisper, and clear my throat. “Yeah.” I say it louder. “Thanks.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He says earnestly. “I’ve got you, kiddo.” I grin and go back into a hug, wrapping my arms around his neck this time. He pulls me close and sways with me during the hug.

“We need to get your wounds clean.” He says into my ear, and presses another soft kiss to the side of my head before pulling away. I do giggle this time, and he grins lopsidedly at me.

He stands and pulls me up with him. I move towards the bathroom to get cleaned up but pause when I notice he’s holding onto my wrist still.

“Hey,” Matt says, and I turn and look to him. “This- this doesn’t define you, okay? You’re more than your mental illness.”

I feel tears well up in my eyes again. “Come on, no more of that.” He wipes my tears away again. “You’re a good person, alright? Not a whole lot of people can say that.” I nod into his hand and sob.

“I know- I know.” I sniffle. “I just- no one’s ever been this kind to me before, or this gentle. No one’s- no one’s ever wiped away my tears or- or held me until I felt okay again. No one’s ever cared about me.”

“Well, that’s just a travesty.” He genuinely looks offended on my behalf. “Because you’re an amazing person. You deserve to be cared for like this. You deserve to be loved.”

I sob and hug him again. He just lets me, even when I heard from Foggy not too long ago that he isn’t a big hugging person. It makes me feel warm that he’s so tactile with me.

“I love you,” I blurt out in between my sobs. “You don’t- you don’t gotta love me back, I just-“

“Hey, kid, come on,” He hugs me tighter. “Of course I love you. Have I not just been singing your praises for the past 30 minutes?”

I laugh wetly and nuzzle into his shoulder. “I love yo-you. And I-I love Foggy, too. You two mean s-so much to m-me.”

Matt just holds me and sways on his feet with me, petting my hair. It’s so nice to just be cared about and loved. It feels like get a breath of air after almost drowning in the sea.

“We really need to get some bandaids on you,” He says eventually. I laugh again and let him lead me to the bathroom for real.


End file.
